It’s now been several weeks since we started “social distancing” and staying at home to help prevent the spread of the COVID-19 virus as best we can. In some ways, we’re becoming used to it, and in many other ways we’re ready to be done with it. We’re weary and anxious because the uncertainty continues.

Some are drained from being on the front lines and continuing to interact with many ill and potentially ill people, while others are drained from being at home in close quarters with the same people for too long. At this stage, no one knows how much longer this will go on, but experts are indicating that it could be quite a few more weeks.

Social disconnection is bad for you. While the buzzword these days is social distancing, I’d like to encourage you to practice physical distancing and use creative ways to continue to connect socially. I have had a few Zoom meetings with colleagues and found them to be quite helpful–not the same as being in person, but it was still very beneficial to share my own feelings and hear how others are coping. You could try having a cup of coffee and a video chat with a friend, or maybe use a good old-fashioned phone call to connect. I heard of someone who is sending a game back and forth through the mail with a friend. Use your creativity!

Below are some links to helpful resources on dealing with this ongoing stress. Out of the many articles I’ve read, I have found these to be the most helpful.

That Discomfort You’re Feeling is Grief
https://hbr.org/2020/03/that-discomfort-youre-feeling-is-grief

Reducing the Risk of Emotional Fatigue During the Pandemic
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/smashing-the-brainblocks/202004/reducing-the-risk-emotional-fatigue-during-the-pandemic

Coping with Coronavirus Stress
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/modern-mentality/202003/coping-coronavirus-stress

Zoom Exhaustion is Real
https://www.mindful.org/zoom-exhaustion-is-real-here-are-six-ways-to-find-balance-and-stay-connected

Brené Brown’s podcast on Comparative Suffering https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-on-comparative-suffering-the-50-50-myth-and-settling-the-ball/

Here’s a final way to keep things in perspective–yes, we’re all in this together and experiencing unprecedented stress, but that does not minimize the stress you’re feeling individually as you cope with ongoing uncertainty. It’s important to care for yourself, managing the stresses you can and letting go of those you can’t.

You’ll find other helpful tips and information on grief, anxiety, and coping skills in the Katie’s Tips section.

Video counseling available. If you’re interested in having a telehealth (video) session with me, feel free to contact me or call 636-234-0035 and I’ll give you the instructions. Most insurance plans are covering telehealth sessions, but you’ll want to check with yours to be certain.

Be well!

Katie Walker
Board Certified Licensed Professional Counselor
636-234-0035

Another way to deal with anxiety. Over the past several months, I’ve been using a new (to me) technique in my practice to help people deal with anxiety and other intense emotions. It’s not really new at all, as my trainer has been using it for more than 30 years! It’s called the Emotional Freedom Technique, or EFT. It involves using gentle pressure points to produce relaxation and calming for both the body and the mind.

A little science lesson: The pressure points used in EFT are places on the face and hands where there are many nerve endings. When gently touched, these nerve endings send a message to the vagus nerve, which in turn sends a message to the amygdala (the part of the brain where the fight-or-flight response happens) telling it gently to put on the brakes and calm down. We sometimes use realistic words and thoughts to try to calm ourselves, but when we’re really amped up, the words don’t work! That’s because the thinking part of the brain (cortex) temporarily disconnects so that all the energy can be used to either fight or flee. However, when we activate the EFT calming points, we’re using our bodies the way they were designed to produce actual physiological calming of the brain, which in turn calms our emotions.

Now to the technique: Here’s a link to the video of my trainer, Robin Bilazarian, demonstrating EFT.

Below is a summary of the points she demonstrates, using my words to describe them:

• Crease of the hand
• Top of the head
• Over the eyebrow
• Outer corner of the eye
• Under the eye
• Under the nose
• Under the lip
• Collarbone
• Under the arm
• Between the knuckles (Robin calls this the gamut spot)
• Heart hold (both hands on chest)

With or without the words. You can use the phrasing she shares in the video, or you can simply activate the series of calming points without the words when you’re trying to unwind or go to sleep. (She taught both methods in the live seminar.) Very gently touch each calming point for about one breath, and go through the whole series 3 times. Most people notice when they have completed the EFT series that they feel more relaxed than they did a few minutes ago. If you’re still somewhat anxious, try another 3 rounds to bring it down even more. One caution: don’t do too many rounds if you have to drive, as it can make you sleepy.

If you’d like to learn more about this technique, or discuss something else that concerns you, I would be happy to meet with you personally. Just give me a call at 636-234-0035 and we’ll schedule a time to talk. My office is conveniently located in downtown Washington Missouri across from the Old Dutch Restaurant.

I look forward to helping you feel better!

Katie Walker
Board Certified Licensed Professional Counselor
636-234-0035

This is a time of year where we think a lot about stories – holiday stories, family stories, the story of our traditions during this season. We also tend to think more about our personal stories, what has happened in our lives.

Each one of us has had positive and negative things happen to us. No exceptions. The balance is clearly different from person to person, but I’d like to propose that you have a say in the way you remember your story. I’m not talking about being unrealistic, or “writing out” the painful parts.

You made it this far.  What I’m suggesting is that, even during the difficult or out-of-control times, look back and remember how you got through it. You are reading this blog which proves that you somehow found a way to tap into a reserve of strength to survive.

By purposely remembering your strength in the past (think stubbornness, persistence, ability to let things roll off…), you can decrease the power of those negative events to influence your present. Perhaps you didn’t come through unscathed, but you did come through. Celebrate that you overcame!

Practicing thankfulness.  Another way to write a happier story in the present is to be grateful for what you currently have. A fun way to do this is with the Post-It Note Gratitude Project. Keep a pack of Post-It notes handy at all times, and jot down any little thing that comes to mind that you like, enjoy, or are grateful for. Then post these on your bathroom mirror, a door in your house or office, or on the refrigerator for a visual reminder of the good in your life. It’s encouraging to watch them collect over a few weeks and to realize just how much good there is. Try it between now and the end of the year!

These techniques won’t sweep away the “bad” or render it non-existent. However, like a camera lens, you can choose to focus on the bad or on the good, and that choice has an impact on how you feel day-to-day.

If you’d like help with reframing your life story or any other issue that you may be struggling with, I would be happy to meet with you personally. Just give me a call at 636-234-0035 and we’ll schedule a time to talk. My office is conveniently located in downtown Washington Missouri across from the Old Dutch Restaurant.

I look forward to helping you feel better!

Katie Walker, Board Certified Licensed Professional Counselor
636-234-0035

For many of us, self-care is difficult. I read a very helpful article in The Guardian a couple weeks ago. It was written by Poorna Bell, a woman whose husband battled depression. Her opening quote really struck me:

“There is no lightning-bolt moment when you realise you are losing your sense of self; just an absence. When you are caring for someone you love, your wants and needs are supplanted by theirs, because what you want, more than anything, is for them to be well.”

This can be true if your loved one is struggling with depression/anxiety/bipolar disorder, a chronic physical illness, or is simply a young, needy child. It can be very difficult to remember to “put on your oxygen mask first, before assisting those traveling with you” as flight attendants instruct us.

Emotional Fuel Tank To use a different analogy, each of us has an emotional tank that fuels our daily interactions. Just like the gas tank on your car, you put fuel in and you use it up. If there’s a crisis across town that you need to drive to, and you’re on empty, you MUST stop at the gas station first if you’re going to make it there. It’s the same with your emotional tank: if it’s empty, you have nothing to give, no matter how dire the need of your loved one.

That being said, it’s important to regularly fuel your emotional tank, so you’re ready for whatever life throws your way. Sometimes you can afford to fill up. Other times, fuel is expensive and you can only put $10 in the tank. Fill-ups of your emotional tank might include a vacation, or an evening laughing with friends. Things that add a little fuel to your tank could be a short walk on your lunch break, spending 30 minutes reading at the end of a busy day, or mindfully enjoying your morning coffee. Being mindful of the positive things all throughout the day puts a bit of fuel in your tank many times.

So start to consider–what refreshes you? What provides a sense of enjoyment or wonder? Then begin to build these things into your daily life and take time to enjoy and be grateful for them as they are happening. When you can, plan something a little more involved. There’s some evidence that even planning an event like a vacation can give a bit of refreshment, your mind taking a break while it dreams about this special time away.

If you’d like to talk about your grief or any other issue that you may be struggling with, I would be happy to meet with you personally. Just give me a call at 636-234-0035 and we’ll schedule a time to talk. My office is conveniently located in downtown Washington Missouri across from the Old Dutch Restaurant.

I look forward to helping you feel better!

Katie Walker, Board Certified Licensed Professional Counselor
636-234-0035

I’ve been working with a lot of clients lately who are grieving. The interesting part is, many of them have not had a loved one pass away, but instead are grieving some other type of loss. This might be a job, expectations of family life or how a friendship might progress, or it might be the loss of someone who is still living. This last type can happen when a relationship ends or people become impaired to the degree that “they’re not themselves” anymore.

The following article specifically addresses grief over someone who is still alive, but the principles can apply to other types of loss as well.

http://thebereavementacademy.com/unconventional-grief-grieving-someone-alive/

It’s important to note that the basic stages of grief apply to all types of loss, including those that are developmentally normal (such as graduation). There is loss at the end of a phase of life, and when mixed with the excitement of an upcoming phase, the emotions produced can be quite confusing.

The stages of grief originally identified by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross remain helpful today for understanding what’s happening in your emotions. They don’t happen in any certain order, you won’t necessarily feel all of them to the same degree, and they are likely to recur in response to an anniversary of the loss. You can even experience multiple stages at once, relating to the same loss or to different ones.

• Denial–A more understandable name for this stage is “shock.” You’re not denying that the loss happened. It’s just not possible for your mind to process all the emotion that goes with it, so you might feel a little numb or detached or practical, wondering why you’re not more emotional.
• Anger–It is very common to have anger directed toward people and circumstances that are associated with the loss, and even toward those that are unrelated. People will often feel angry at God as well.
• Bargaining–This is the stage where the “what ifs” and “if onlys” come into play. Some things you might have legitimately done differently, while others are simply your mind’s attempt to make some sense of and take a bit of control in a situation that is beyond your control. If it’s the end of a relationship you’re grieving, you might try to “just be friends.” (This rarely works, by the way.)
• Depression–This is the stage most often associated with grief, where you feel sad and have a sense of emptiness because of the loss. As with all the stages, this can range from mild to severe. It can be difficult to do daily tasks, think clearly, or have interest in much of anything at this stage.
• Acceptance–Remember that this never means you “like” the situation. Acceptance is wrapping your head around the fact that this is the new reality, sort of the opposite of the shocked stage. Adjusting tends to happen in small pieces. You may find that you’ve accepted the loss in one sense, and yet you feel sadness and anger toward other parts of the loss.

If you find you are experiencing grief, give yourself a break. It takes a lot of emotional energy to deal with loss, and thus you can easily feel drained. Let yourself feel, distract yourself when necessary, and find ways to refuel your emotional tank. Click here for some tips on how to do that…

If you’d like to talk about your grief or any other issue that you may be struggling with, I would be happy to meet with you personally. Just give me a call at 636-234-0035 and we’ll schedule a time to talk. My office is conveniently located in downtown Washington Missouri across from the Old Dutch Restaurant.

I look forward to helping you feel better!

Katie Walker, Board Certified Licensed Professional Counselor
636-234-0035

February is marketed as the month of love, but what if I’ve been deeply hurt by someone who was supposed to love me?  They say it’s important to forgive (which is true), but how do I go about that?  Isn’t that just letting the person “off the hook”?

It’s important to remember that often the person who wronged you doesn’t care if you forgive them or not.  The person you’re actually releasing is yourself–from being handcuffed to the person or event(s) that hurt you.

Also, remember that it is a process that takes time.  You can’t just flip a switch and forgive such deep hurt.  You’re not required to forget, but hopefully the pain can fade into the background instead of being in your face all the time.

I want to show you a helpful video.  Dr. Stephen Marmer, a psychiatrist at UCLA, describes three types of forgiveness.  It’s only 5 minutes long, but I think you’ll find it’s worth watching.

Click here to watch.

If you find that this gets you thinking, and you’d like to talk to someone about it, give me a call.

I look forward to helping you feel better!
Katie Walker, Board Certified Licensed Professional Counselor
636-234-0035

It’s the most wonderful (and busy!) time of the year! Maybe so busy that you’re beginning to panic about whether everything will get done on time. This can easily lead to your “inner critic” working overtime as well.

Want to learn how to relax?  Today I’d like to help you quiet that inner critic by creating an “inner calm”.

Because things in my life are busy, too, I’ll simply share some advice from a great article about this issue. The author interviewed Martin E.P. Seligman, PhD, the University of Pennsylvania psychology professor most known for his theories on “learned optimism.” She shares the tips he uses to calm his own inner critic. I hope you find them helpful, too.

How to Create Your Inner Calm.  To summarize, we need to counteract the “catastophic thoughts” that cause us great anxiety but in reality have little chance of ever actually happening.

• First, recognize that the thought is there.
• Second, treat that thought as if it came from someone else, a person who is trying to make your life miserable.
• Third, dispute that thought and offer evidence against it.

With a little practice, you will find yourself automatically using this technique whenever you start feeling overwhelmed.  If you would like to read the full article, you may do so by clicking here.

Enjoy your holidays! I’m looking forward to some family time this Christmas and the opportunity for a fresh start in the New Year!

If I can be of help, please contact me at 636-234-0035 and we’ll schedule a time to talk. My office is conveniently located in downtown Washington Missouri across from the Old Dutch Restaurant.

I look forward to helping you feel better!
Katie Walker, Board Certified Licensed Professional Counselor
636-234-0035

Did you know that work is important to your mental health? The recent celebration of Labor Day got me thinking about the value of work. I’m not only referring to a paid job.  What I mean is that each of us needs to have a purpose (or more than one purpose) that we work toward, as this provides meaning in our lives.

Sometimes these purposes are referred to as vocations, and they can include the profession for which you are paid, keeping house, parenting, volunteering, caregiving…the list goes on and on.

This brings to mind the current buzzword “work-life balance.”  This is actually a vitally important concept, especially if you consider the many parts of your life that include work.  The thing to remember is that balance is dynamic.

Remember when you used to walk along the curb as a kid?  Were you perfectly still side-to-side?  No, you leaned a little each way to keep your balance. The same is true as we make efforts to balance the areas of health: physical, emotional, mental, social, and spiritual. We must also consider work time, family time, relaxation time, personal time, fun, financial planning, and so on.  Every one of these areas won’t get equal treatment every day or even every week–that’s an impossible goal.

You will have to lean one way or another, depending on many variables, to achieve a healthy balance at any given time.  

Don’t let this idea stress you out–it’s just a description of the process, and it can actually free you to do things as they need to be done, giving more or less attention to particular areas.

Let’s talk a bit more about having a purpose for our work.  This involves some sort of vision or end game, having a goal in mind. Without such a vision our motivation can die because we lose sight of why we’re putting forth such effort.

Take a minute to think about the various “hats” people wear.  What might be the end goal in each case?  In the workplace, it could be to earn an income and work with excellence.  With parenting, the idea is to raise healthy and relatively well-adjusted children.  Volunteer work can provide a sense of helping others and giving back, while keeping house might create a calming, welcoming atmosphere for those living there.

Now it’s your turn.  What vocations do you have?  Why do you have each of them?  What is your purpose in each case?  Knowing the reason(s) you do what you do contributes to your mental health by keeping you grounded in a larger purpose.

If any of these areas is causing you stress and anxiety, maybe it’s time to take a look at the balance to see if some adjustment might be in order.

If I can be of help in that process, you can contact me at 636-234-0035 and we’ll schedule a time to talk. My office is conveniently located in downtown Washington Missouri across from the Old Dutch Restaurant.

I look forward to helping you feel better!
Katie Walker, Board Certified Licensed Professional Counselor
636-234-0035

As parents, we always try to say the right thing. After all, we love our kids and desperately want to help them, right? But sometimes we find ourselves trying to help a child who is dealing with challenging emotional issues. It is at times like these that we are likely to spout out phrases reflexively, or purely based on logic. To a child dealing with anxiety, these phrases don’t help very much at all.

Today, I want to direct you to a blog post by life coach Renee Jain because it is so relevant! The author’s points about changing your perspective to assist anxious children can easily be applied to teens, adults, or even yourself. The phrases are straightforward and can be used immediately. Try one or more of them this week and start taming that anxiety!

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/stress-better/2015/09/5-phrases-to-avoid-saying-to-an-anxious-child-infographic/

Enjoy the rest of your summer!

-Katie

P.S. If you’d like to talk more about a particular issue, I would be happy to meet with you personally. Just give me a call at 636-234-0035 and we’ll schedule a time to talk. My office is conveniently located in downtown Washington Missouri across from the Old Dutch Restaurant.

I look forward to helping you feel better!
Katie Walker, Board Certified Licensed Professional Counselor
636-234-0035

Summer can be a time of refreshment or it can be draining.  Some of this depends on circumstances, and some depends on your viewpoint of those circumstances!  Let’s focus on the part we have the most say over: our view of things.  Remember – how you think and behave affects how you feel, so choosing to focus on the positive aspects can have an impact on your outlook.

If you dread the heat, chaotic work schedules due to co-worker vacations, or having the kids home all day long, focusing on what you dread only enhances it.  Instead, acknowledge the down sides, but don’t allow these to rule your emotions.  How can you do this?

Start by becoming mindful of what’s going on inside you.  Don’t judge how you feel–just notice.  Once aware of these emotions, you can choose to let them be, or do something to have an impact.  Coping skills can involve allowing yourself to feel the emotion for what it is, distracting yourself by engaging in a different behavior, or choosing to focus on positive things in your life.

One great way is to adjust your self-talk.  Instead of only the internal groan, acknowledge the reality of the situation: “Things do change during the summer months, and I sure don’t like it.  But there are other things I enjoy, such as… [list them].”  The truth is that both positive and negative exist in a given situation, and you have control over which you attend to the most.

Many people benefit from keeping a gratitude journal.  The Five Minute Journal is one easy way to do this.  Let’s break it up into morning and evening sessions.

Grab a notebook and pen, and answer these morning reflections: 1) Three things I’m grateful for, 2) What would make today great? and 3) Daily Affirmation: I am….

Later in the day, do some evening reflections: 4) Three amazing things that happened today, and 5) How could I have made today better?

Take advantage of the positive aspects of summer weather.

• Eat lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, especially those that are in-season.  Maybe even try some new ones!  Buying from a local farm market is a fun way to do this.
• Get outdoors!  Click to read about How Walking in Nature Changes Your Brain from a NY Times article.  Be sure to take sun precautions that are fitting to your physical condition.
• Go to the water.  Any type will do: creek, river, lake, ocean, pond, swimming pool, backyard wading pool or sprinkler.  There is something refreshing and calming about water–use it!  Remember your sun precautions here, too.

Enjoy your summer!

-Katie

P.S. I’m always here to help.  If you are struggling or feel stuck trying to deal with particular emotions or situations, you might need to talk to someone one-on-one.  Just give me a call at 636-234-0035 or fill out the contact form to send me a message.and we’ll schedule a time to talk. My office is conveniently located in downtown Washington Missouri across from the Old Dutch Restaurant.

I look forward to helping you feel better!
Katie Walker, Board Certified Licensed Professional Counselor
636-234-0035